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Religious leaders worldwide bear frustration and dissatisfaction over the apparent Taliban strike taking place on U.S. soil this past September 11th. Among the most disappointed is Reverend Honigman who preaches in Pennsylvania. "It puts a knot in my stomach knowing that Bin Laden's brainwashing techniques have a stronger impact than Catholicism," said a distraught Honigman. "Isn't the U.S. supposed to be number one?"

"These days, it is extremely rare to find a Catholic martyr willing to die for his religious beliefs, even after a whole lifetime of repeated brainwashing sessions every Sunday morning..." admits Cardinal Bevilacqua during our interview, "a few high-rollers aside, Catholics are much more used to killing others in the name of God while staying out of Heaven so they can enjoy it."

When asked if the Koran was more powerful than the Bible, Honigman replied by stating that "although America has by far some of the most ignorant and easily influenced people on the planet, it is still possible that others on this toilet Earth are even more vulnerable to powerful religious control. The fact that the Koran, another nonsensical tool for controlling the dumb, was used in place of our more familiar Bible really has no relevance in the matter. I shouldn't have to remind you that Catholicism and its Holy Bible are still high contenders when compared to many other bullshit devices around the world that are intended to oppress a society. Do not ignore its power."

To seek prove of Honigman's convictions, we asked a random pedestrian what his thoughts were about the events on Sept. 11. He replied by announcing, "WE WILL GET THOSE DIRTY SAND NIGGERS! USA! USA! I PRAY EVERY NIGHT FOR GOD TO STRIKE THE TOWELHEADS DEAD. I KNOW IN MY HEART THEY WILL ALL BURN IN HELL, YO." Satisfying confirmation that the public is still just as confused as it ever was.

Among the many contradicting notions that it offers, one thing that Catholicism does make a point of teaching is that God works in mysterious ways. When asked the question that if the Sept. 11 events do indeed have a silver lining, Cardinal Bevilacqua replied with this statement to Sinfamy Press: "Since the recent growth of things like free thought and PBS, it has become increasingly difficult for religious leaders to maintain an elevated population of parishioners that pay our bills from week to week. In the past, simple donations and the tax-free nature of our organizations have left us quite sated, along with the mind control, of course. However, to preserve the high-comfort living that spiritual leaders demand, we needed something new to save our holy asses. Along with the usual allotment of miniature Virgin Marys, crucifixes, holy water, and empty promises that we habitually pedal off to the population at premium, we have now found that selling rags, buttons and stickers embellished with the American flag to be quite profitable. Funnier yet, none of those items have the magical properties we claim!"

I thought it was surprising that the Cardinal and Reverend shared their sacrilegious views with Sinfamy Press this week until they pointed out that their millions of followers have a thing called faith. "Playing the faith card sure can come in handy! Faith basically means that they are bad people if they question what we say God wants. We make them think that God likes them more if they believe in him without question. We got all of our bases covered!" said a hysterical Honigman while obviously drunk with power.